Top of the Morning to You*

Things that make me a happier person:

- Returning to my desk and not seeing the evil little red voicemail light blinking at me
- Having a work week that doesn't involve 50+ hours
- Working out in the morning

I’ve been a morning worker outer for several years now. Yes, I’m the obnoxious, uncaffeinated employee that is the first to flip the office lights on in the morning because frankly I’ve been awake for 3 1/2 hours before the work day even started and I derive some unnatural pleasure from being the first one in. Now, I may be fighting heavy eyelids at our 4pm meeting, but one can only do so much.

For me, the pros outweigh the cons in AM exercising:

Cons:
- Forced use of public showers and the accompanying risk of foot fungus
- Carrying your sweaty gym clothes with you the rest of the day
- Being woken up by yesterday’s NPR stories because the morning programming hasn’t started yet

Pros:
- It’s over with by 8
- I buy approximately 71.5% less shampoo/conditioner/soap
- Lots of good stories are inspired by events pre-8AM

Case in point:

- It’s never an uninteresting crowd in the West Village – especially in the morning. In one day I saw a gaggle of Norwegian rhythmic gymnasts, a tranny in scrubs, and a sad French Bulldog with a cone on its head.

- I was walking toward the Hoboken PATH station. It’s dawn. I noticed a man in his underwear pacing outside his apartment. I think, “If I promise to be helpful/kind/generous for the rest of the day, pleeeeeease keep the guy in his skivvies from talking to me.” My silent pleas were ignored and I was forced to stop and help Captain BVD. I felt sorry for him -- he had stepped outside to pick up the Wall Street Journal and the door had locked behind him. Classic, right? I let him use my cell phone to call the local locksmith. About a week later, I saw Joe Tightie Whities on the train. I smiled and gave him the universal look for “I don’t know anything about you, but I saw you in your underwear last week so it probably would be weird if we talked.” I guess everything worked out for him.

- I had just walked out of the Christopher Street station and was headed toward the gym. I was totally zoned out listening to my iPOD, but I could feel someone walking closer behind me. I turned and this VERY nice looking guy flashes a huge smile. I had the always gorgeous I-slept-in-my-workout-clothes-and-forgot-to-wash-my-face-before-I-left-the-apartment look going on and could only think, “plllllllllease be smiling at some model/actress/beauty in front of me.” Sigh, my silent wishing failed again. The guy said to me, “Will you hold my hand?” I hesitated – Mom said never to talk to strangers and especially not to touch them. I can smell the alcohol on his breath, but I ignore it because he’s, well, quite nice to look at. He tells me his entire story –- prep-school graduate, Columbia law student, part-time model, Connecticut-native. He walks me the four blocks to the gym, drunkenly tells me I’m his new best friend, and walks off. Uh, what?!

So, if you didn't feel like reading the run-on sentences above, here are the key takeaways:
- Voicemails are my frienemies
- Foot fungus is bad
- Dogs with cones make me laugh
- Always put pants on before you leave the house
- It’s OK to talk to strangers as long as they are good looking

*Monty, the AE that sits behind me, greets me this way every morning. He also plays alot of Dr. Dre and is planning a summer trip to Iceland. Love it.