How to Succeed in Advertising

To: Sally Slacker
From: Your 17th floor Hallmate
Date: September 4, 2008
Re: Getting on Leslie’s Nerves

The purpose of this memo is to bring to your attention my concerns with your blatant office inappropriateness. It is my sincere hope that by implementing the changes requested below, you will cease annoying me quite so badly.

1. Seeing as my cubicle has been conveniently positioned directly outside your fancy window office for the last three months, I would appreciate you taking a moment to introduce yourself, say good morning, or simply acknowledge my lowly AE presence.

2. Please restrict your tireless search for the snobbiest, overpriced private school in New York City to your lunch hour. Between your endless conversations with preschool recruitment offices and your office neighbor who chooses to watch YouTube videos at full volume, it is very difficult to do my job with any effectiveness.

3. I’ve noticed you leaving everyday at 3:30PM despite your transparent efforts to make it seem like you are just away from your desk –- not shutting down your computer, keeping a sweater thrown over your chair, keeping your office door open and a coffee cup out on your desk. Cheaters never win. Well, sometimes they do. But, then they eventually lose. Most of the time.

4. Simply because you have a normal named spelled totally weird does not excuse your poor office behavior.

5. Banning interns from speaking to you is not generally the best way to cultivate talent in this industry. Forcing your subordinates to listen to your political word vomit does not make you a good manager either.

6. I would appreciate if you would resist having your afternoon phone calls with your boyfriend on speaker phone. I’m not particularly concerned about your weekend plans in Montauk.

7. Eat a sandwich.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to these requests. Further questions or comments should be directed to graham_babin@hotmail.com.

Sincerely,
Cubicle 17.254