Avoid Reading While Eating

I’m not afraid of ghosts or flying. I don’t flinch when the doctor pulls out a needle or when I need to present in front of a group. Heights don’t bother me much. But, every cell in my body is terrified by the thought of public vomiting.

I started feeling nauseous on Tuesday. I had worked late and taken advantage of the “Free Car After 8pm” rule. I could feel my stomach begin to ache as the driver told me all about how he had picked up Lauren Bacall last week. Apparently she’s very particular. Anyways -- I blamed the ache on car sickness. I don't ride in a car very often anymore. I figured my stomach was just out of practice.

When my alarm went off in the AM, my stomach was still angry. I could feel it coming and I knew that if I was going to throw up I needed to do it between 6:43 and 7:10. That’s my assigned bathroom time. Oh, how I miss life pre-roommates. After barfing on schedule, I felt great! I felt alive again. I showered, dressed, and headed off to work.

I have a 10-block walk from my apartment to the train. I made it about seven and then began to panic. I could feel the revolt that was happening in my stomach. Focusing on the Nirvana Unplugged playing on my iPod was not helping. My fight or flight reflex immediately kicked in and three options popped in my head –

1. A crowded Starbucks two blocks away
This was risky because there would likely be a line for the bathroom. I definitely didn't want to throw up next to Joe Latte while he read the New York Times and ate his oversized muffin.

2. The park across the street
This would be better than the sidewalk, but still way too public. Plus, right in the middle of the park is a dog run filled with my neighbors (and their dogs too, of course).

3. Home
This was the riskiest of options. The apartment was about 15 minutes away. I would just have to walk really fast and pray I didn't toss my cookies in transit.

I went with Option 3. It got very close a few times, but I managed to skirt any public humiliation. This is assuming that you don’t consider a green face and power walking humiliating.

I am really good at embarrassing myself. I do it at least once a day. But, throwing up outdoors, I can’t handle. Thank goodness I inherited Mom’s fast walking genes.